Finally our Lemonade & it Tastes so Sweet!
After 3 full years; 3 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUIS, all the in betweens, 1 IVF, and 1 FET we can officially say we are PREGNANT!!
Wilson TWINS due February 2019!
Our journey has been long, terribly difficult and ugly, but altogether beautiful.
We found out 5 days after our transfer that we were pregnant. I won’t lie I tested 3 days after (don’t do this - it makes you wonder if its really true!) and got the faintest of lines, but did not consider it official until 5 days after, June 13th, when it was dark enough to have no doubts. I wish I could say I cried or had this incredible moment, but after so much let down and so much hurt it is hard to let yourself have a happy moment without fear getting in the way. CJ and I hugged so tight he picked me up and we were so excited, ecstatic even but still so cautious. We had to wait until closer to our test date, June 20th, and keep testing before it was official that we are pregnant!
I kept testing religiously for about two weeks because I just needed to see the pink lines or the word “pregnant” on those tests to put me at ease. Plus, after 3 years of stark white tests and negatives I found a lot of joy in seeing our positives! I had my blood drawn June 19th just so maybe then I would believe I was pregnant. The beta came back great, 1395! We scheduled our ultrasound for Monday, July 16th - oh the worry in waiting!! I then had my blood drawn again July 3rd, thanks to Katie my friend and OB nurse, she offered the idea because I think she new I was silently dying to have some more confirmation. Results came back as we watched fireworks on July 3rd, 110906... YESS, ya’ll we are pregnant! Thank you Katie for knowing what I needed when I didn’t.
The first couple weeks dragged I was so obsessed with my pregnancy apps and learning more about being pregnant. I am very well versed in all things infertility, but all things pregnant I am literally clueless. I tortured myself with discussion boards trying to understand all the things that could go wrong (please also do not do this… learn from my mistakes). I felt that if I knew I could prepare and it would help, but I just needed to be enjoying the moment. That is something I will have to continue to work on, but I am already doing better. The nausea, exhaustion, hunger all set in about 6 weeks, super fun! I never really minded it and still don't because it makes me feel as if I know my babies are okay and my body is doing as it should.
July 16th ultrasound finally came at this point I am 8 weeks and 1 day! The waiting room at my OB’s office was full with my friends and family, I was slightly embarrassed because I am sure that is not typical for the 1st ultrasound. However, each person that was there played such a huge role for us while on this journey that it was only fitting they were beside us during this part too. I wouldn’t have had it any other way! CJ and I got to go back first because I was a nervous wreck and needed to see that everything was as it should be before everyone else could come see. I also wanted him and I to still have an “us” moment while including our special people too.
Over the past 3 years I never imagined we would get this moment. Seeing our babies on the screen for the first time, seeing my husband’s face light up, seeing tears of joy out of everyone around us was beyond any words. We were not shocked that there were two since we put in two embryos. We have been saying the whole time there were two because we weren’t giving up on either. To actually see two though and hear two heartbeats, wow! This day got me to an amazing place. I officially feel like a Mom. I reread that last sentence a few times because I think a huge part of me still cannot believe I am writing those words.
I look back over the past three years and can easily picture the heartbreak, defeat, hopelessness, fear, tears shed - and realize that will never leave me. That part of us, infertility, will always be apart of who I am. But it is all that has come from it over the past 3 years that has also given me so much. My relationship with my husband is stronger than ever, we have experienced a love like no other because of infertility. I am closer to my friends/family and a better friend because of infertility. I embrace life differently, more openly because of infertility. I will be an amazing Mom because of infertility.
As excited as I am to share this amazing news; the first thing I think about as I share are the women and men out there who’s hearts will ache when I do. For the families still fighting to taste their lemonade. My wish is that our story brings you hope and helps you through the dark days. I will not say the cliche things about timing, but Anna at BFC was on a live Facebook feed and she said something that really stuck with me - “Don’t give up. The only way IVF for sure cannot work is if you’re not doing it.”. Seems obvious, but if you are thinking about IVF or curious please feel free to chat with me because two years ago you would have heard me saying I didn’t know that I could do IVF and then a year later I was still completely unsure if I could do IVF or even wanted to. There is so much that goes into IVF and choosing a clinic is/was the hardest thing for me until I found Barbados Fertility Centre. I promise, if I can share one thing with any woman or family considering IVF it would be BFC. If we wouldn’t have found them I'm not real sure what life would look like right now, but that point is moot because we did and we are so thankful for that! I may not know you, I may not know your story, but know if you need I will stand beside you as you fight for the family you dream of.
A HUGE thank you to everyone who has been supporting us and following our journey. We have been overwhelmed with the amount of love, support, and friendships built through sharing our story. We are writing new chapters and I am so excited to see what is to come. We still will worry as we wait hoping that everything will go as it should until our February due date. But for now, we are enjoying every moment of being pregnant and I can’t wait to share that with you all too!