Indifference

As we drive down the bypass we see a bundle of balloons floating into the sun-kissed sky. It is a rather beautiful idea to think about the distance they will soar and their path unknown. I felt I could see apart of myself in that image of those balloons. Sometimes it feels like a part of me is drifting to the unknown, not sure what path we will take or what we might collide with along the way. 

I choose to be the bundle of balloons - I choose to let go

I have struggled to understand my new found feeling. I am not sad, I am not jealous, I am not broken. I am indifferent. I am tired of the endless calculations, tired of the talk of babies, tired of the remarks people make when they share innuendos about having children - like we haven't thought of that. Tired of everything relating back to this time in our life and revolving around it. There is no distance between us and this.

I want to breathe again, I want to float into the distance into a beauty of uncertainty and possibilities...not fear the unknown because the possibilities seem hopeless. The irony...I am the only one that can control this. So, as taxing as it may be, as hopeless as it may feel, I choose to put one foot forward and move past indifference. I think it has to be better to feel something than nothing it all. 

We can't change the path we are on, but I am totally up for a detour. Something to change the scenery, something to inspire me, something or somewhere that breathes uncertainty in the possibilities.  I choose to let go of the expectations, let go of feeling numb, and to just let go of the indifference. I choose to be the bundle of balloons - I choose to let go.

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